1.21.2001

The Day I Met Jose Conseco By: John Best I could go into long and tedious detail about my glorious day, but I will try to make the story short… It started with Jose shaking my hand, but it wasn’t a regular handshake. Mr. Conseco had something in his hand. I bet you can guess what that little something was, can’t you? Yep…you’re right!! It was a 3-pound bag of coke. So after snorting some of that fine Cuban crake we went a baseball game, but that was boring. So we went to a strip club and got drunk. Jose decided it would be fun to take the strippers home, but that wasn’t such a great idea. Mrs. Conseco and Jose Jr. were very surprised when they found Jose in the living room having sex with numerous women. Jose Jr. decided he would beat his daddy with a baseball bat. Man!!! That kid has a nice swing!! My guess is he is on steroids. Would you doubt it? I have money that says he goes pro and then becomes a man whore. Jose wasn’t allowed to sleep there that night, so I told him he could stay at my place. Wow, that was a bad idea. My mom didn’t like it when Jose decided to light up a big doobie and let my dog smoke it. Then he had sex with with my fish…don’t ask about that. When he was done he decided to tell me about his childhood. So he did. He said his father Don Juan was a drug lord and he had little Jose taking steroids and lifting weights by the age of two. His mother was a childaphobic, which ment if Jose ever tried to get close to her she beat him, but he never blamed her because he knew of her phobia. After telling me this Jose cried, so we decided to go to a bar. Drinks were on Jose, so I went ahead an ordered a Coors. Jose said “No, you must get Coors Light. The Regular Coors is to expensive. The lighter it weights the less I have to pay. May God have mercy on the man who orders a Coors Heavy!” By this point I know Jose was crazy, but I went along with it. I mean Heck, the man is only making league minimum. This is were I will cut the description of my day short, cause its only 11:00 in the morning and I have already written over a page. So remember GO ANGELS, but even more so GO JOSE CONSECO!! ~THE END~
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